This is the largest media agency in web3.
THE GEMRISE AGENCY
Specialized on media budgets over $50m / ₿1000 / Ξ12k
And this was just the regular internet. Web3 wasn't even included in the media landscape above.
💎 Gemrise completely rethinks everything about media spend and viral growth.
It represents all the things modern web3 stand for. Like wagmi, community, and decentralization. 🍭📍🥨
And it’s the first large media agency that takes web3 seriously.
You can prepare for your token generation event, launch a new blockchain, grow your exchange, create a new DeFi protocol. Or use us just to launch an NFT community. 🐕
We come from the largest media agencies and platforms in the world, like GroupM, Xaxis, Rocketfuel. 🚀
TBH, media is all bullshit. Even in the web2 old world, there's been tons of examples of brands shutting off media spend with no adverse impact - from Airbnb to Uber. 🚕🏠
Which is cool with us. But if you happen to want to work with bullshit, we promise that we're the biggest piece of shit you will come across. 💩
The power of being huge.
The web3 media agency that makes sure you keep scaling.
Web3 is a bit different than regular media. But not too different. So we start with the best practices from the best places.
There used to be censorship restrictions to promoting crypto. And there still is. But the way is known and tons of project got super huge. Want to grow? Just spend. It’s that simple. 🍄☁️️🌱
You’ll be able to spend so much of your budget so quickly. It's freaky.
Definitely not for the weak of heart. It's a brave new world and a whole different kind of arms race. Just keeping track of the different shiba inu knockoffs out there is crazy enough... before we get to the doge knockoffs, ape knockoffs, uniswap knockoffs... 🦍🙈🐵 🐒 🦍🦍🦍
Reach your target audience at the most efficient price.
Specialize in leveraging social platforms (TikTok, Instagram, Twitch, Youtube), to drive enormous reach and lower-funnel search tactics to drive brand growth.
We know our shit so well that we are totally full of shit. We are a team of experts that have 15 years of making this shit up, working in the world's largest bullshitters in the web2 world, along with extra experience bullshitting during the ICO times and now the web3 world. Completely full of it. 🎒💰💩
Best In Class.
Crypto / NFT.
If you ever wonder where you money goes, it's not even the middleman media agencies that's doing the pillaging.
We want to avoid feeding the fat cats as much as you do. Put them on a diet. Get them to a healthier lifestyle. Decentralize their naps. 🐱
Until there are better alternatives for decentralized media, we will shovel money at all the centralized authorities we fight against.
But like any good agency, our job is to change the status quo by... helping you spend even more money with new initiatives. Rest assured that we'll look for the first decentralized bucket to dump your money into. We'll start with Brave and podcasts, but seriously...
a little bit.
Seriously, everybody else is going to give you discounts. So, we decided that our most important differentiating factor as a media agency is: we will not.
We take your business seriously, and you take us seriously. Like, seriously, you want to negotiate lower gas fees?
By the same token, 🥁🥁 we will always be the most professional of all media buyers out there. Beating the shit out of the all other vendors who want to fuck you over. Because we got our principles that won't let you fuck us over, and we make sure that we won't let others fuck you over either.
The first media agency
that actually doesn't promise performance. 🙅🙅🙅
Most media agencies emphasize the performance they want to promise you. And if you keep being patient with them............................. they're going to find that magical sweet spot in that stupid. fucking. funnel. diagram. Gemrise is different.
We don't know shit about performance. That's your own problem to solve. Tell us when you hired enough data analyst to figure out the right LTV and growth strategy. I mean, it's your fucking company. All we're here for is to help you burn through heaps and heaps of money. As quickly as you need to.
A new level of
media transparency: You're no Elon.
We are fans of the underdoge. Not everybody needs to be Elon. We know how important it is to be cool and relevant and compensate for not being Elon. That’s the reason you’re trying to prove yourself to everybody else out there. For the rest of us mere mortals, we spend. Gemrise helps you spend smarter.
A new level of
spend transparency: your wallet
Literally keep track of how everybody is paid and which vendor is being paid what - by watching your wallet transactions of your account. Because, why the fuck not?
You want crypto adoption?
We're forcing every one of our vendors to take crypto.
Programmatic / Retargeting
The quickest and fastest way to wealth transfer to Mark Zuckerberg.
Billboard / DOOH (Digital Out Of Home)
So we can show everybody that our project is real because there's at least something to point to IRL.
TV / Linear / Super Bowl / Olympics
All the glory of day time television being played in retirement homes.
Influencer / Social
Soooo 10 years ago, but whatever. Still works.
Podcast / Newsletter
So much cooler in this space lately. Why are we even spending time anywhere else.
Where the even cooler kids are at.
Airports / Taxis / Subways
For when you really need to be in people's faces when they go to the next crypto conference. Or just buy all of Lisbon. Might as well.
Have a question? Join our non-existent Discord.
Seriously, we'd rather spend our time helping your company spend media $₿Ξ than keeping you company.
Did you know?
85% of professional marketers think they’re full of shit. We’re the best of the best, in terms of being full of shit.
From projects that DAO the ownership of the NFT of their unstoppable domain to load content on IPFS with a seed phrase split between the mattress and the microwave, our clients are nuts. Just like us.
60% of Gemrise clients regularly deal with competition that spends more than them. That’s when we step in.
One of our clients has stayed unprofitable for over 20 years. So they know what’s what.
21% of Gemrise clients are brand spanking new pump-and-dumpers. Hell yeah!
Over half of Gemrise clients are totally anonymous. We have no fucking clue who we’re talking to. Voice modulators and all. That’s life nowadays, I guess.
At least one of our clients joined us because they are way more viral than we will ever be.
The reviews are in
“I've never seen my bank account drained so quickly. LOL. I think it’s brilliant. As brilliant as a burning meteor bringing armageddon to Bruce Willis”
Crypto Project, Hashima Island
“I decided I wanted a modern media agency to fit with a post-fat-cat mentality, and that’s why I chose Gemrise.”
NFT Exchange, Lazzaretto Nuovo
Coming Right Now
Grow your project with Gemrise
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Frequently asked questions
Can we pay you in crypto?
Yes, we accept crypto for both fees and media spend. We immediately convert all shitcoins to a stablecoin of your choosing.
Who is Gemrise for?
Large + ambitious projects that want large + sustainable traction. Trying to get a quick win? Not us.
What do you mean by large?
Our minimum media spend is $50m / ₿1000 / Ξ12k. Our clients are usually much larger than that.
What’s the best way to contact Gemrise?
Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. We’re always happy to answer questions. And soon you’ll be able to use carrier pigeons and smoke signals to talk to Gemrise.
How much does Gemrise cost?
We charge 10% of the money you save.
Wait, money I save?
Yes. We don't charge you on anything else. No fees for "managing" your media. We're really just here to beat the shit out of your vendors. I mean, seriously, what other value does an agency offer?
What you get
Beat the shit out of vendors
We promise the most beating, the best beating, and even more beating. So unbeatable the beating that there is nobody out there who focuses as much as we do on beating up vendors to get you the best rates. We will always make sure you get the best deal out there.
Blah blah blah
Seriously, what more do you want from your media agency? We can give you stupid fucking reports, ok? Presentations? Powerpoints? That's what you want us to charge you hourly rates for? Anyway, we'll outsource this stuff to yet another vendor, so you know what's happening with your money and we get another vendor to beat the living daylights out of. Daylight savings. 🥁🥁
No touching fiat
Nope. Not touching it. We'll dig elbows deep into any stinking pile of rapidly depreciating shitcoin instead. But never fiat. Well, at first maybe we'd really have to pay our speeding tickets in fiat. Asides from that? Seriously, isn't the point of doing this shit to find a way for massive crypto adoption?
Gemrise was founded in 2021 by experts, like, gangsta rap of media.
The one who’ll high-five you with a sumo palm in your face
We're really paying tribute to DMX. He was a surprisingly homely and family-oriented kind of guy, you know? Btw, apparently "homely" is an insult to people in America and a compliment to furniture in UK. So, yeah, we mean our most respect in a complimenting furniture kind of way.
The one with mad media skills DJing dashboards like your media spend is free money
Honestly, we don't even like gangsta rap, and we certainly don't condone violence. It's really about the struggle that DMX felt and how an entire set of people who did not have a voice felt like he was speaking for them. That they heard their voice in him, and that they got to have a voice when they could not.
The one who studies financial crisis
Is this for real: "DMX filed for bankruptcy in 2013, with roughly $50,000 in assets and having accrued between $1 million and $10 million worth of debt. He also reported child support debts to the tune of $1.24 million. He was the father of 15 children." He sold 74 million records worldwide and filed for bankruptcy three times. And you think managing your community on Discord is hard. Try 15 children and 3 bankruptcies.
The one who is always nomadic
So, fuck this shit. Fuck the credentials. We know our shit. And whether or not we know it, you'll literally see it when your wallet is being spent on media anyway. How else are we gonna wagmi while consuming electricity with every ETH/BTC transaction and doing global warming by flying to every crypto conference. No fucking clue. So, let's find a way to wagmi.